Approaching Marginal Thinking [and more philosophical musings..]

In essence, this summer I am alone.
I am not a complete recluse, locked in a room, avoiding bathing and social contact, but sometimes it feels like I am treading on the fault line and like California in the scientific future, waiting to break away. But why are recluses recluse in the first place? I am guessing to step away from influence, examine themselves, and relax. I guess in a way than I am that recluse, forced into relaxation bring devoid of social encounter.

I find myself in a position where I have never found myself prior. My mind is given full reign to think whatever it wants without the constraints of time, offense, or consideration. To be honest, with an imagination like mine, thinking can become quite a scary ordeal: absolutely anything can happen. But as with anything, when given free reign, it seems as if we naturally begin to constrict ourselves in order to keep some semblance of balance. As I was explaining to my cousin last night, I feel like I am Jean Grey. I possess such immense amounts of emotion and thoughts that they need to be channeled and compartmentalized in order to be a more successful person (though luckily I don't disintegrate people when I lose control, well not yet anyways). Being alone I have found a new attraction with meditation and am in a way being my own Professor X locking away feelings. Also, in these times when I have only myself to keep me company, I realize what a complete and total nerd I doing a comparison of myself- in public- to XMen characters.

With all this spare thinking you find whom you truly care about, but more importantly, who cares about you. You realize that sometimes you fall in love with the idea of someone rather than the someone because in the end people are only people and it is irrational to believe that they would be able to fulfill such lofty ideals. You realize that everything is not that big of a deal but small things can be a big deal. You realize that as much as you may want something, it won't happen unless all parties are absolutely ready but things can never be as they once were because the past has passed. You realize that you don't have to plan out the perfect life because in 99.9% of all romantic comedies, nothing goes according to plan yet they all manage to love happily ever after. You realize that you shouldn't assume anything about anyone because even the most emotional bereft individual can surprise you with sweeping you off your feet with more romance than any romantic. And last but not least, you realize the British punk music is actually really freaking cool.

All in all I feel like I better comprehend when people come back after a summer somewhere a little changed and a little different from before. Perhaps it is the exposure to different people, or a ridiculously high influx of movies due to roommates with fantastic movie collections and a Netflix account, or perhaps it is being forced to be in company of yourself, but there is a little self-realization in there somewhere just waiting to happen. I must say, I welcome it.

Sick Salamander..

Doesn't really have the same impact as Sad Panda does it?

I am tremendously behind on posts... It is kind of terrible really. Luckily I have all of the long weekend to indulge in writing long, very in detail, blurbs about how I feel about everything and anything but I think now I will be leaving that to the weekend.

I think it is probably best if I recuperate so I can enjoy my weekend of intense vegetation. Leaving work after throwing up is no fun but lying in bed with a fever may be even worse.  Perhaps it is food poisoning, or a bug, or boredom, or even heartbreak. Regardless, it sucks.
I shall be going back to sleep, again.

Until the weekend!

Love Actually

So I realize that I have been falling way behind on the posts. I missed my last two deadlines but I think that the problem was that I, in all honesty, did not know what day it was- which is quite problematic. I promise to keep a better track of the days from now on.

I have nothing of real interest to write about tonight except that I am very much excited to fall into romance again. Perhaps it has been all the RomComs I have been gorging myself with but I really really am. I don't know where it will happen or when but I am in full confidence that it's only a matter of time.
Until then, I'll be waiting.
<3

Romance: Diamonds and Disney

I thought for special inspiration for this post I would listen to "True Love's Kiss" from Enchanted. This will be a lovely post :)
So I just finished watching 27 Dresses with my roommate Hannah and anyone who knows me at all would  know about how exactly obsessed I am with weddings as of now. I'm not quite sure what it is per say, maybe it is finally discovering Netflix and the plethora of Say Yes to the Dress episodes (I have finished watching all 8 seasons that Netflix provides already) or there seems to be weddings around every corner yet I am not directly involved in any, but there is definitely something sucking my inner moth in to the metaphorical flame of weddings and other ostentatious displays of love.
I'd personally like to place much of the responsibility of this attraction, though slowly burgeoning obsession, on the things that lie near and dear to a girl's heart: Disney and diamonds. I have discovered today that Tiffany's has created a website all about the romance of romance and New York and all of the lovely sparkly diamonds. I kind of cried- What Makes Love True is absolutely fantastic and is a prime example as to why we girls still believe in fairytales, no matter how old we are. We believe in them because we know that somewhere, they're real.
Oh the curse of Disney princes... They just seem so tangible! We are an intelligent female generation and realize that it is absolutely ludicrous to lust after an animated character but the amount of times I have heard about how absolutely gorgeous Shang is without his shirt on or how handsome and blonde John Smith is (Ok, Johnny is all me..) is most definitely a lot. I would like to think that we look beyond the animation and into the potential of what these Disney princes are, even if they aren't all royal, and what they could be if they were actually real.

Or they could turn into James Marsden which I would take any day.

ANY day.

Whether marathons of wedding shows or Disney movies or even romantic comedies, there is always that hope that art is an imitation of life. But I definitely wouldn't want to think that my life is the plotline for some gritty drama that sweeps the Oscars. Personally, I'd much much rather be in a RomCom. 

It may be that Disney requires a little imagination but it is not, and never should be, considered only a silly flight of fancy. We all need a little hope and dreaming in our lives because though it may not come in the form of a prince valiantly fighting some dreadful monster, or choosing to remain a frog so that you two can be together, I believe the fairytale is waiting to come true. After all, someone is buying all those Tiffany's rings. 

Watch!

Of Thunderstorms and Toddlers...

I've always loved thunderstorms, especially in the summer. I realized that I love them as long as I don't live next to a large tree that seems to be begging to get struck by lightning just to match the flooded streets. But if I close my eyes and go to the other treeless side of the apartment? Well then, I love thunderstorms.

This isn't quite the thunderstorm that is going outside my apartment but it's still a beautiful storm. It happened in Chile after the eruption of the Volcano Puyehue. I think that it is absolutely gorgeous.

National Geographical is a wonderful thing!

It feels as if today's storm has wiped all the creativity right out of me. All day at work, while mindlessly entering data I had all these crazy ideas as to what to write and it seems as if they have been clear washed away. I guess that the great Disney Prince exposé will have to wait till this weekend, which by the way, I am very much looking forward to. I have a glorious three days planned of wedding movies, making my own indian food, and intense detoxing (For anyone who is wondering, Friday is most definitely considered a weekend).
Well until then, it seems as if I will have to be content with soaking up the stormy atmosphere and watching funny videos on youtube. Like this one! I am looking forward to the day I have children so they can be this awesome.

Fail Post.

Oh computer jargon, how much do I hate thee?
A lot. I really really hate you a LOT and no, that was not rhetorical. It is slightly comical to an outsider, I'm sure, with how utterly dismal I am at all this computer stuff seeing that the majority of my crew are mandated by the University of Michigan to know the basics that seem to continue to elude me. Maybe that's why all these engineers continue to be my closest friends, so they can help me with my many problems.. After all, everything does happen for a reason! [Seriously though, if anyone wants to write some html code for me and make things work that would be greatly appreciated..]

Along this vein in a less facetious note, I have determined that I must marry an engineer/math/numbers-like person. I cannot go the rest of my life not knowing how the moving and functioning world works (not the breathing world or the past breathing world- I got that all down!). Or even worse would be to have to endure someone who has the same perspective and agrees with me all the time and possibly believes that they are better than me: now how is that fun? But I think most importantly of all I am fascinated by the way engineers think. Logic is sexy.
You can't really argue with that.

Or this... That's right, he is doing crazy things with numbers in that head of his.

This was meant to be a long post in honor of "My Girls" and our silly childhood fantasies made into reality by a certain Alfred Angelo but alas my time was cut short by an excellent middle school fantasy read- Fablehaven- and my failure at trying to do cool things to my blog. But I did update! That post will come but for now, Hooray for the commencing of consistency!

An Extended Time Out: People Deprivation Depression, Deluded Disney Prince Syndrom, and other imaginary disorders I have self-diagnosed

Of course I'm seriously ill! I'm a Psych major, these are all real, I promise!

Well, ok, no.. not really.

Coming out east for the summer seems to be the opening of some coming-to-age novel that will eventually make the New York Times Best Seller list (paperback of course). The avid readers are bound to look forward to a lot of sightseeing, a few- or more than a few- hilariously encountered mishaps, intense soul-searching while gazing outward to the sea, wind whipping my shorn hair up instead of in my face, and of course a healthy serving of some sizzling romance. Right. Well in this paperback summer I have to look forward to, the sightseeing is limited by my sense of direction and there is a lot more Netflix than romance going on. As for mishaps? Well, the fire department has already stopped by, guffawing at me setting off the fire alarm at 7 a.m. for burning my toast and having to evacuate my whole building (7 a.m. gettin' up in the morning, gotto brush my teeth gotto go downstairs...It wasn't even a Friday!). And then the whole epic fail at grocery shopping and realizing, no, you can't live on goat cheese and angel food cake. Who knew?

As cliche as it sounds, living completely on your own is a lot lonelier than it sounds, bringing in my recent diagnosis of People Deprivation Depression. I was VERY lucky to have the most awesome roommates ever who watch Glee and Hercules with me and let me borrow their Microbiology textbooks when I have nothing to read. They are also super smart which is probably why they are in a nationally ranked dental school (just under Harvard people!) but also meaning they are studying a lot so I am for the most part left alone. I really miss people. For all my talk of not liking people, I really do need them so I don't end up collapsing on my bed with no will to get up staring at the ceiling wondering what the point in life is. Maybe that's the soul-searching that is promised but if so, I will be very disappointed. Staring at a ceiling is much less impressive than at a wide blue expanse. Turns out, I am quite a bad keep-in-touch-er. That sounds dirty but it's not, I promise. I forget to text back, FB back, email back, etc. and to all of my dear friends, and family I guess, who are reading this, I am very sorry if I have unintentionally forgot to respond. You are important! But it causes problems for me as I stare at the large tree outside my window with just my own thoughts to keep me company. I could also stare at the car dealership outside my window but I feel like it's not nearly as poetic. I need people around me otherwise I might go a little stir-crazy and I feel like the first step to solving any problem is identifying it, so I do indeed have something to work with! w00t!

I was blessed and cursed with an extraordinarily active imagination, which is useful for my creative writing class or Future Problem Solvers (Holla Alison!) but usually is quite problematic for relationships of any kind. Add in over a decade of Disney brainwashing and you have a recipe for disaster, dressing on the side. Having just watched Princess and the Frog, read the last of the Harry Potter's [HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 2 COMES OUT IN 39 DAYS!] and being an expert on the subject of emotional turmoil, I was thinking about the whole concept of the modern fairytale. I know that personally, I love a little tragedy- Snape and Lily are right up there with Jay Gatsby and Daisy Buchanan, I don't know, perhaps because it is more real? But wouldn't we all like to think that a Prince Naveen or Prince Eric or even an Aladdin is out there willing to be forever a frog, battling a sea monster, or fighting a supercreep like Jafar for you? There is even hope that someone who suppresses their emotions and is so clueless as to how to deal with their feelings as the Beast can have a fairytale ending! Excluding the fairy-princess, talking candlesticks, clocks, and teapots of course... I won't go too much into it because I feel that this topic deserves its own entry but it has been on my mind- what do you really expect? Especially with all the weddings that have been going on (I have seen 3, my supervisor just got married last year, the girl with whom I work's sister is getting married in a couple of weeks and she just went to a wedding this weekend) all this mushy-gushy relationship stuff, I'm really not sure what to think. I can't help feeling a sense of foreboding, like I need to figure it out soon or drop it all together. As the great meerkat Timon would put it "with all these romantic happenings, disaster's in the air." Maybe this is just part of the whole 'process'. All I need to do is find a sea to look out to.

I have 2.5 months left and hopefully by the end, I will have something worthwhile for the New York Times Best sellers list. Paperback of course.