What REALLY makes me sick.. ugh.

I feel slightly bad that I haven't written in a couple days, but I honestly did not know what to write about. Sure, many things have happened since Wednesday: an unpleasant surprise, a bunch of laughs, ridiculous math problems, 100%'s, awkward moments, broken hearts, a couple of books, just to name a few. But I really didn't know whether I wanted to write about it or not. So I decided I will write about my biggest issue yet. In fact, as I think about it right now, I'm getting the shakes and my stomach feels very very sick. What else could I be talking about?
College.
Duh!
It's my most dreaded and anticipated subject. It's on my mind 24/7 whether I like it or not and I do believe the stress that is stemmed from it is the number one cause of my breakouts. Will I get into college or not? If I do get in, will I fit in? Will I be able to pay for it? And most importantly, how will I know if I made the right choice?

So first things first. Will I actually get in?
My dream school is University of Chicago. It seems like my perfect school and I want to get in so SO very much. The only problem is that actual getting in. It's a very tough school, and though it has a higher acceptance rate than Yale (which has a whopping 8%) it is still very hard to get in. I don't have a 4.0. I lost that coming in as a freshman. In fact, I have a 3.7. Not good, not good at all. My test scores are OK. I have around a 2010-2100 on the SAT as of now and when I took the ACT I got a 29 (in awful circumstances though, I mean really, who makes Velociraptor noises in the middle of the ACT? Are they stupid?? Wait, they are. Never mind.). Many people think that that's great and that they would be happy with that. But what people tend to forget is that I am close friends with the smartest kids in the school. I am willing to bet money that Alison is the smartest kid of our class, and she's my best friend!
There's a LOT of pressure on me.
I'm not an academical genius (far from it in fact), or incredibly talented at anything. But I dream big, and when I say big, I mean BIG. I want to go somewhere in my life. I want my name to be written down in history books and I'm willing to work my ass off to make sure that happens. I want my name to be such a legacy that people will still know my name a 100,000 years from now. But if I want to go somewhere in life, I need to start off on the right foot and that means going to only the best colleges. Right?
My GPA is pretty low at a 3.7/3.6 and my test scores are all right. What are things I have working for me? Well, I can write a good essay, I do a ridiculous amount of extracurricular activities, and I really care. If I really love something, I will put my whole heart into it and never look back. True, it's very hard to find something I care that strongly about, but if I do feel strongly about it, it will happen.
But is that good enough to get me in?
I know that I can easily get into schools like Central or State, but I don't want to go there. I really want to go to a place where I am challenged to my breaking point. I have realized that I am the strongest in the face of adversity and I need to be somewhere that will help me bloom to my fullest. I just need to get in, and I can figure out the rest.
I really don't know which college I'll fit in to. I know a couple things: no medical or engineering colleges, preferably as little Greek/athletic life as possible, most likely a small liberal arts college with a Core program, easy access to professors, and most importantly, an intelligent student body. As snobby as it sounds, I want nothing more than to surround myself with intelligent people and distance myself from stupid people as much as I possibly can. I abhor ignorance and stupidity. I may not be all that smart, but I'd rather be the dumbest of the bunch and learn as much as I possibly can than be the smartest person in a group but have to dumb down to everyone else's level.
Paying for college will be difficult. I'm happy that my parents are completely honest with me so I'm not living in some fantasy. They don't have the money. They can't afford to put me through college without completely screwing over Sree, my baby brother. And I understand, I will probably have to work my way through school as well as applying to various scholarships, grants, and most likely end up taking a loan. It sucks. There really is no other word for it. But I have to do it. In the wise words of Keoleian, No amount is too much for an education. And there really isn't. True with the current economy, it would be nice to be not completely in debt, but if you are uneducated how could you ever be financially successful? I'm a firm believer in the self-made man and though there are awful situations people can be thrown into, people can always make the best out of it and education is probably one of the clearest paths to success.
I'll be taking a practice SAT tomorrow morning, going to dance class, choreographing a dance, writing a couple essays and then studying my butt off for midterms.
Not much fun but necessary.
I hope that one day, I will look back, and laugh. But until then, here I'll be, working towards greatness.